My inspirational story of sacrifice, dedication, determination, and the sure will of living my dreams!

Looking at my 5 and 9-year daughters makes me so proud of the life my husband and I have been able to give to them, as well as my 10 yr old son. Even though we haven't had a whole lot to work with over the years we gotten by with the bare minimum and that's all good because none of them will ever have to experience what I've had to endure as I was growing up.

I'm a child SURVIVOR of child incest, molestation, and rape. As far back as 6 and maybe even younger, my brothers father Thomas Johnson sexually molested me. This was happening on and off for about 4 years, again maybe even longer. This man would come and take me out of my bed when he got home from work and would have penetrating intercourse with my young and fragile body.

I know now with the help of therapy my body would shut itself down and this would cause very high fevers, sleep walking episodes, as well as some out of body experiences and hallucinations. This was very scary for my mother and stepfather because they had no clue what was happening. I'm not sure till this day why I wasn't able to tell anyone what was happening, maybe that was erased from my memory.

Thomas wasn't the only person who violated me. There was a very close family friend that lived next door to my grandmother with his wife who we called Aunt Nee Nee. He had never tried anything with me until puberty hit. After I developed breast I guess all bets were off. After coming back to Texas for a visit from Nebraska I went next door from my grandmother's to visit him and his wife Aunt Nee Nee and he all of a sudden attached me at the door while I was trying to make my way towards the back to visit with Aunt Nee Nee.

There was also a cousin of my grandmothers' who lived a few houses down from her. This cousin tried to stick his tongue down my throat and kiss me and I was 8 maybe 9. I remember thinking "why do men do this type of things and why me?"

For a long while after all that trauma I somehow blocked all memory from my mind for a very long time. All throughout junior high as well as high school. Memories and feeling all started to come back after I met my now husband back in 93. Sex to me was something I wanted no part in. It had become totally degaussing and I was starting to hate the male body as well. He couldn't understand why I would always say no when he wanted to make love. It was so hard but we managed to have three children the first few years we were together and then married.

After my second child was born that's when all the memories started to come back into play. My brother came down to Texas to stay with my husband and me the summer of 95 and he became unruly and we couldn't handle him. He called his father who also lived in Texas and asked if he could come and stay with him. That move in didn't last long. My brother was out there, using drugs and pretty much doing his own thing.

For some reason they both got into an argument and my brother asked his father (and my brother was the only person I had ever told until I was grown, but never would believe me) if he really did all those horrible things to me and he confessed YES! Needless to say my brother went off and beat this man with him bare hands to near death. He was in the hospital for weeks of reconstructive surgeries and such. While my brother 15 at the time was tried as an adult and convicted to 10 years in prison.

At the trial I was called to testify about what happened to me as a child for my brothers' defense. This was so hard because Thomas was there, my mom, stepfather and my husband. The hardest and scariest part was not being notified in advance that I was even needed to testify.

After it was all said and done my brother was locked up and Thomas was free to go. No one approached me about my rights. No one told me that the statue of limitation for prosecuting him wasn't up. (at that time anyway) I wouldn't find this bit of information out until much much later when I started my counseling sessions at the Women's Center in Arlington, Texas in 2005-2006.

However, before I even thought about going to see any shrink I fell into this very deep dark place with no hopes of ever finding that shinning light again. I was suicidal, neglecting my children to the point they had to fend for themselves most days and nights. Some days would be better than others but for the most part they weren't. I knew right at the moment I heard my oldest daughter tell her brother she hated me I needed to do something about my depression. I knew that if I didn't find a way to make things right within my family I would lose them.

So I started to pray more then I had before. I started talking to God and building a relationship with him. As Mr. Steve Harvey puts it, "don't trip, he's not done with me yet" and I so believe that. I always knew that God was working on me and had been working on me for a long time. He never gave up on me even when I gave up on myself.

I also started talking to my husband more and more. In our early years together he know of what happened to me but not in detail. So one day I knew it was time to start talking. I've since sat down with my mother and told her a few things, not in too much detail but I have opened up the dialogue. I've told an Aunt I lived with when I was in junior high, and I've also told another grandmother not the one mentioned above.

I would write down questions I wanted answered by each of those people who were around back then. Just trying to get some clarification on what they might have known, or not known. Trying to fill in some of the gaps. All I know now is through Christ and prayer all things are possible.

I’ve been able to put all these unfortunate things behind me where they aren't crippling my family any longer. I've been able to take care of my family and myself because of my relationship with God. I'm learning how to be a friend again after isolating myself from people for so long. I found a newfound love for myself I never knew was even possible. And the biggest thing to date I'm following my life long dream of writing and self-publishing my very first of many books. A cookbook titled "Raising Chefs...not just good cooks!" I'm blessed and thankful that this book will be out in the middle part of June or early part of July this year.

I have so many other entrepreneurial ventures I’ll be seeing off and running in the next few years if God says the same. I thank God everyday for everything I've been through because it’s made me the strong and determined women I was meant to be. I always say "thank you for the good, the bad, and the ugly."

If you are going through anything that's hindering you from accomplishing your true calling please I say to you call on him. He has never left you. He is still and will always be working on you. Stay focused on your dreams, so you can see them become a reality. It's worth it yall!

Latrice - Texas Dreamer!